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Prologue Between is a location defined not on its own, but in relation to two other places. One is behind, the other ahead–one past, the other future. As such, being between carries an inherent vertigo, a constant reminder that I am not…really…anywhere. I have begun the journey, though its resolution is not in sight. Land has long since disappeared off the Western horizon, and not yet emerged in the East. Will I eventually reach my destination, or, instead, fall off the rim of the world, deluded? In truth, we are all between–between life and death, between the extremes of utter evil and pure altruism, between clarity and self-deception. Such tension is a tightness of the heart: a hope, yet veiled, that beats with failing wings, against the airless cold of space, in flight toward a Radiance that burns downcast eyes. ...

“But it is also obvious that, although the schemata of sensibility first realize the categories, yet they likewise also restrict them, i.e., limit them to conditions that lie outside the understanding (namely, in sensibility). Hence the schema is really only the phenomenon, or the sensibile concept of an object, in agreement with the category. (Numerus est quantitas phaenomenon, sensatio realitas phaenomenon, constans et perdurabile rerum substantia phaenomenon - aeternitas, necessitas phaenomena etc.). Now if we leave aside a restricting condition, it may seem as if we amplify the previously limited concept; thus the categories in their pure significance, without any conditions of sensibility, should hold for things in general, as they are, instead of their schemata merely representing them how they apear, and they would therefore have a significance independent of all schemata and extending far beyond them.” ...

i realized today that there are two things which really move me: music and philosophy. music is the poetry and the philosophy is the syntax, the logic, which makes the beauty possible. music is the paint, and philosophy the canvas. of my life, maybe. alex told me today that i am a gatsby; that what is really important to me is “girls”. that i am only really excited when i am involved in them, and dull and cynical otherwise. whatever that means: alex zane is a deep man i can’t claim to understand. ...

*slightly tanked and/or not tanked (?), whatever that means* the time has come for the second semi-to-multiply-annual tradition called “pick the cover song jonathan may or may not play at his next show”! here’s how it works: first, you know that i have a show coming up. i don’t know exactly when, but sometime in february. second, i give you a list of cover songs that i might play. generally, i start a show off with a cover to get in the groove and get people paying attention. then, you leave a comment with whichever song you think should win out. finally, i calculate which song received a majority of votes, and decide whether or not to play that song. if history is any guide, i’ll probably play something not on the list. ...

this year, i had a team. this year, they won. in fact, they utterly disannihilated their opponents (disannihilated is a word i just made up, which, contrary to what it may seem, means “really and completely annihilated”). this year, the almost-naked woman became the icon of america, or so the commercials would suggest to a visitor from another planet. in fact, amongst the numerous boob shots and ass close-ups, such a visitor would be hard pressed to tell the difference between national television and softcore porn. maybe that’s just the idea…the real question is this: when we hit rock-bottom (in the next decade, i’d guess), do we (1) bounce back up, (2) lay there bleeding on the concrete, or (3) pick up shovels and dig till consumed by the fires of a Dantean inferno? ...

thesis: nothing is so frequently struck down as hope antithesis: nothing is so unflinchingly, dogmatically rebellious and stubborn as hope

i went snowboarding last weekend. i freaking rocked that mess. tonight is a juliana theory concert at stanford. i probably wouldn’t pay money to see them otherwise [addendum: actually, i probably would], but the fact that a semi-not-mainstream act is playing here is so mindblowing i had to go, if only to see who else on campus is really indie underneath it all. i’m pretty much not into writing about anything right now. although i’ve noticed a strange trend in my eating habits…i’ve been craving those little snack packets of cookies or ritz s’mores or nutter butters. i have no idea why, i never used to like them before. what’s next, tomatoes? never!! ...

coming back from a break, from rest and relaxation, into that mode wherein i am either extremely busy or completely zoned out and staring at the computer screen doing nothing, sucks. let’s forget all the fancy crap and go right into the news: i’m a TA this quarter for phil 78, medical ethics. wahoo. i lead two 1-hour sections a week and whatever else….i guess it will be fun and challenging! we’ve been working frantically on the CD. we have a band name now (yet to be released, of course), and are working on an album title. the CD is mastered, and we’re just waiting on the album art before we send it off for production. i’m probably going to the UK sometime this quarter if i can swing it with classes, for fun and adventure new web design projects are taking up a lot of my time ...

days 7-? well, new year’s came and went in my blog without much in the way of commendation. much in the way of anything, really. the last few days have seen a flurry of activity with the soon-to-be-released CD. we recorded i don’t know how many songs, spending roughly 8 hours a day on it. when you factor in the reality of my situation at home, namely that i’ve been sleeping on average 11-12 hours a day, you realize how little else i have been doing. ...

day 6: 12.29.2002 today was a day of revision. revision is something i hate. i never revise papers. occasionally i’ll revise a blog entry if what is up pisses me off enough to change it. but yeah, back to papers for a moment - on all the papers i wrote this last quarter (4 to be exact), the process was this: (1) briefly outline [note: the outline for each paper was the same. it consisted of I. introduction II. arguments and II. conclusion]. (2) write the paper straight through, stopping only for snacks or to crack my nose (an odd-sounding bad habit which i’ve acquired mostly from writing papers). and that’s it. no going back, no changing anything. ...