and now, part 3 of the DiscMagnet™ saga: coordinated assault
i knew that the cunning of the evil monster holding my 3 discs captive was too great to be overcome by myself alone, so on thursday i recruited a team of hardcore disc-rescue veterans to help with the cause. the members of this newly-formed counter-discnapping force were as follows:
team leader: jonathan lipps
callsign: throwmaster flex
skills: insane speed, tactical genius, looking dark and cool in a trench coat
job: strategy, execution coordination, primary munitions expenditure
team member: marie white
callsign: hilariokins
skills: having a car, finding dvd players
job: getaway driver, munitions management, taunting the enemy
team member: james boyd
callsign: boyd, james boyd
skills: knife fighting, the stickshift, commando training
job: secondary munitions expenditure, tactical advising, shooting things
with this intrepid group i was ready. first, hilariokins and i went to safeway munitions factory to gear up, buying 200 ft of intense string (really intense), and 2 lbs of hot tamales. then it was back to the battle field–the engineering quad–after stopping by kingscote to pick up the secondary munitions–a bundle of coat hangers.
boyd, james boyd, arrived not long after we did and surveyed the scene. then, the team arrayed for stealthy combat, we tied one end of the string around a large rock (probably 4-5 lbs). i threw this rock over one side of the beast, and it fell directly through its gaping maw to the ground in the center. carefully i retreived the rock and string, now neatly straddling one of the four edges of the DiscMagnet™, and launched it a second time, over the opposite edge. success again–now the string was thrown completely over the top of the entire gargantuan.
hilariokins and boyd, james boyd attached the secondary munitions to the long end of the primary munitions, and we had our Rescue Sweep Device, or RSD. thus armed with our powerful RSD, we used it to scour the high and invisible surface, causing, i believe, incredible pain to our nemesis in the process. and, lo and behold, the two s.m.u.t. discs were caught in our RSD and flew happily and freely from the top of the monstrosity. victory!!, we cried.
alas, we had awakened the sleeping monster who heard our victory cheer, and it became immediately enraged, thrashing this way and that, until our RSD was mangled and useless. we tried in vain for the next half hour to retrieve the s.w.u.t. frisbee, a beautiful disc that should never have been captured in the first place, but, as i said, it was in vain. we threw away the element of surprise, and the DiscMagnet™ was once again the master of its domain.
still, two out of three is not bad, and we were glad to have saved any discs at all from the hideous thing’s clutches. perhaps when i arrive back at stanford i will go on another reconnaissance mission and see if disc #1 is still alive, or if she has been devoured by the monster.
for now, though, the fight against the Stanford DiscMagnet™ is finished, and i consider myself the victor. we all know, moreover, that the victor is he to whom go the spoils. thus with pride and sincerity i claim the following spoils: world peace, love, free taco bell for eternity, and a girlfriend. now i just need to find who exactly it is who gives out these spoils.
