it’s hard to describe what my heart has been craving recently. i suppose that’s why i ran without stopping for 75 minutes today–clarity. something about the wind and sun, the hills and the undulating path, the green crowned with blue and white, erases all confusion. and something about the steady pounding of feet on dirt and cement restores reason and perspective. i had hoped that these things would give me the clarity i needed to see what is driving my heart these days.
unfortunately, the realization didn’t come with the sweat. the most i can say, then, is that it [the craving] is a “tightness of the heart; a hope, yet veiled…”
but for all that helps, i might have called it a veiled heart…you’d think something so internal and central to the self would be an open book to the one to whom it is immediate. instead, my heart surprises me daily both in its heights and depths–both in the clear sympathy it has and in its astounding capriciousness. i am surprised on occasion by its seasoned and discerning understanding of what is wise, and on almost every same occasion by its attempts to wriggle away from wisdom as fast as its little aortas can carry it.
it’s exactly this juxtaposition which, of course, has already been described:
[“wellspring of life” <-- | --> “deceitful above all things”]
maybe, then, the simple answer is that i shouldn’t even care what my heart is mysteriously and ineffably craving? now that’s not very emo…
then again, it’s all about transcending emo…
virtual disc on spin: if i told you what i was listening to, you wouldn’t believe me.
