of up and coming monarchs

hello, war. it’s been a long time. and cnn’s technical advances will bring you that much closer.

“Tune into CNN: you can have the war, narrated by the indefatigable Dr. Sanjay Gupta at camp Iwo Jima somewhere [he can’t say where] in the northern Kuwaiti desert roughly 2km from the borders of Iraq, broadcast live into your living room! Hear about the mysterious possibly-chemically-or-biologically-armed missile which made a noise and caused camp Iwo Jima marines to put on gas masks until the all clear was given! See live pictures of a random street in Baghdad where nothing happens! More false alarms and top-secret U.S. war plans to be internationally blabbed to God knows who [and we don’t care!], after the break. [Closed Captioning provided by Flonase: ‘Flo, for your every nasal need’]”

may god protect us from treating the conflict as the next and greatest in a long line of increasingly sickening reality tv programs.

“This…this is an idea. I hope you guys understand” — David Bazan, before singing:

There once was a time one could flee to the north,
But Canada’s not what she used to be.
Boycott the war? Well, she could not afford to
Thanks to the new American king.

it looks like we’re not quite there yet, but getting closer.