there is a fine line between insecurity and arrogance. this line is called “humble confidence”. we might also call it “realistic confidence”, since true humility is of course simply adherence to and coherence with truth–what is actually the case. how could any other rendering be anything but “false” humility, by definition (to see the obviousness of this, examine all the stanford students who say “i did alright in high school”)? we might build in, of course, a certain amount of allowable subjectivism or ignorance on my part, and state only that humble confidence is believing about myself what is, according to my best judgment, true.
so here’s the paradox: this sort of confidence is clearly the easiest and most natural thing to have, since the way things are (here, the way i am) is immediate. any falsehood is constructed (assuming of course, that my self-truth-perceiving faculties are in order). so then, why do i oscillate between insecurity and arrogance, passing through confidence without stopping so much as a second? inevitably i fall prety to scylla or charybdis, never navigating that strait successfully. but, i submit, this is really hard! i say it’s hard because in the case of insecurity, i have to construct one of two false beliefs: (1) that i am worse than i really am, or (2) that being worse in a given area than person X is of any real importance. likewise, when i am arrogant i must either be believing that (1) i am better than i really am, or (2) being better than person X is of any importance.
the question becomes: what is it about these four erroneous belief possibilities that is so magnetic? why does my mind, which has to work harder to believe falsehoods, run so naturally after any of these beliefs, unless i intentionally and pointedly make sure it does not?
it’s a problem. but you are perhaps wondering/suggesting, “why be confident in the first place? just give in to your oscillation, as you call it”. well, apart from the fact that you sound rather like the proverbial devil-on-the-shoulder and that for methodological reasons i should chop off your tongue, i’ve heard that girls are attracted to confidence (in the same way, i’m told, that they are attracted to guys with girlfriends). therefore, all spiritual/philosophical considerations aside, confidence must have value.
(i had to talk about girls somewhere in this post, as i’ve managed to in the last few and i didn’t want to break the trend. heh.)
