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Acts 2:42-47 (Modern American Version)

The “Fellowship” of the Believers

42They devoted themselves to Rick Warren’s teaching and to the megachurch parking-lot traverse, to the breaking of small tasteless crackers and to special music. 43Everyone was filled with boredom, and no wonders or miraculous signs were done by anyone at all. 44All the believers were isolated and had nothing in common. 45Hoarding their possessions and goods, they gave erratically, and only out of guilty feelings. 46Every once in a while they carefully exited their suburban mansions, going to one of a million disparate meeting places, and avoided eye contact with the people around them. They broke bread in their cars on the way to soccer practice and ate apart from one another with troubled and lonely hearts, 47wondering where God was and suffering both the scorn and the indifference of the people. And the Lord took away from their number daily those who believed.

By Jonathan Lipps

Jonathan worked as a programmer in tech startups for several decades, but is also passionate about all kinds of creative pursuits and academic discussion. Jonathan has master’s degrees in philosophy and linguistics, from Stanford and Oxford respectively, and is working on another in theology. An American-Canadian, he lives in Vancouver, BC and has way too many hobbies.

8 replies on “Acts 2:42-47 (Modern American Version)”

Parody of Acts 2:42

Not to keep pointing to things on my other weblog, but I wrote a little paragraph this morning which is supposed to illustrate (rather pointedly, and in a self-consciously scathing way) some of the critique I have been thinking about…

It’s times like this when I wish I could show you Hong Kong…

Wonderful witty post…tragic and yet true enough.
Where are you going to church nowadays, btw?

Because I know of at least one counterexample that exists there…

Interested in coming to the Vineyard sometime?

Made me laugh…made me cry…made me wonder where God is working in this generation… I want to be a part of THAT. I’m excited to see what God will do in and through you and the rest of the gang there in Palo Alto.

This is a humorous and tragic critical evaluation of the modern pop cultural church. Though I’m sure it reflects your experience of a certain ‘church’ or two, I wonder if it’s not pessimistic?

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