hey, i think i’m the farthest ahead in my philosophy of knowledge class right now than i’ve ever been in any class whatsoever. if i want i don’t have to do any work until next tuesday morning. that’s phenomenal!
bible study with the dudes was cool, but beav’s out of town so we just chilled in tresidder. and it didn’t last that long, so i went from there to the wall around 8:30. i climbed for about an hour and a half, but i think i’ve plateaued a bit, relatively speaking. speaking in relative terms, is what i mean. but only relatively so. still can’t get the 6 i’ve been working on. it’s too easy to lose my feet in the overhang and swing out to where it’s impossible to have a good hold. ah well.
by the way if any of you are wondering what the numbers are when i talk about climbing, well, there are a lot of different numbers, but the ones i’ve used so far refer to the Stanford Bouldering grading system. so all the routes on the bouldering wall (where i usually work) are marked SB0 – SB12 or so. SB0 is like butt easy, and anything above 9 can generally only be done by one or two people, including the guy who set the route. i’ve completed all the 0s-4s, one of the 2 5s, and none of the 6s. but that will come in time, my pretty.
i had a pretty difficult talk with emily on the phone today. i have just been continually (in the past few days) impressed with the need to give over our relationship to god…and that’s very hard. it’s hard because in the end it means that what i want is, more or less, irrelevant to the big picture. it means that, even if i happen to feel like it one day, i can’t really just out of the blue break up with her. and it means that, even if i happen to feel like it, it’s not my place to tell her things like ‘sure, we’ll end up together’. and i think everyone who has been in a romantic relationship knows that both extremes of feeling are bound to occur at some point. so saying to god that he has control over what i do with my relationship, and i don’t, isn’t the most natural of things to do. but in the end i think it’s the best. after all, divorces i think happen for two reasons: one, that the couple was never meant to be with one another, and two, they were, but temporary disagreements ballooned into major schisms and that was that. i think that relying on god is the only way to avoid both of those errors. i will avoid the first, hopefully, because if emily and i are not meant for each other, i trust god will make that clear eventually to both of us, and then we shall move on to better things that he has for us. or if it is a good idea for us to be together, only by drawing off of god’s constancy will i ever have a hope of not letting ill-timed bad emotions ruin a relationship.
i think the difficulty is that for the first time i am seeing with my own eyes that either option is a live one–i have no clue if emily and i are meant for each other. i’d like for it to be that way, but i don’t really know at this point. and since i decided to give up, in a sense, my overall opinion, i am waiting on the father to let me know. and we [emily and i] talked about that. and it did not make her happy.
i’m sad that she’s not happy, but i feel that if i’m going to be consistent with my beliefs, that step of giving my romantic relationships over to god (along with everything else in my life) is a necessary one.
and i guess if there’s anyone who’s not going to make a mess of things it’s god. so yeah, please don’t make a mess of things, god. thanks.
and that’s the day in review. tomorrow will be busy with class and work and packing, and then i’m off to sail the skies, cozily situated with book in hand and headphones in ears.
disc on spin: world renown for romance | denison marrs
