mostly i just wish emily was here. it’s not right that i should be able to have a fun night of dining and dancing without her. or, what i mean is, that irrespective of our desires, the possibility of her being my date was blocked. this is no fun, because dances and such are that much more fun with someone you can be ‘romantic’ with.
also, when people go to dances, i think they degrade themselves about 5 or 6 steps. i rarely see the naturalist’s assumption that humans are merely animals proven more handily than by going to a social dance and watching the whole floor get ‘freaky’. i just can’t believe that we even keep up the facade of a dance…it’s obviously not the dancing itself that most people enjoy, because if you turned on the lights, people would leave and flow to wherever it’s dark and start making out. your average dancegoer is so focused on their own carnality that the dance is merely an excuse to get some modicum of sexual gratification. how pitiful.
generalizations are generalizations, and not axioms. so don’t misquote me on that last bit.
all the same i had a wonderful night. it felt good to forget about myself and get to know my date a little bit. she was already my friend, but i hadn’t talked to her all that much before, and there is something refreshing about getting to know people decently for the first time. 4 of my drawmates and i took our dates to Il Fiorno’s, a pretty high-class italian restaurant in palo alto. i got glorified velveeta shells and chicken, for the low low price of $14. but whatever, i don’t do nice dress up things often, so i can handle that. everyone had a great time, and while the conversation generally centered on some weird or random thing, it was all to the greater good and we enjoyed ourselves immensely.
the dance itself was like i described above, though i would add loud. anyway, while the rest were salivating over each other, our group of 10 enjoyed ourselves as much as possible getting our respective grooves on. man i rocked out, and i think if i’d had my dancing skills back in high school i would have…gone to more dances or something. who knows.
sooner or later, though, i’m always overcome by the thought that everyone just looks so silly. it just always looks like some big joke to me. a big sad joke. all these people, trying to look like they are dancing their hearts out, but really just ending up looking like they are trying. the music does not move me emotionally, and my feet are not moved by my spirit. so eventually i feel like a complete hypocrite. what am i trying to do, and who am i trying to impress? i guess i’m having fun, but i’d rather be sitting with the posse by lake tokamogie.
and when that wave passes through me, i usually feel like it’s time to take a break. but i can’t take a break for too long, because the only thing to do at loud dances is dance, and it’d be rude to leave my date and friends and do my own thing. so i tell myself not to think too much like a philosopher–after all, everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves, maybe if i just start moving i’ll get into it.
and so the cycle goes. but enough of dances.
i’ve decided that i need to write an entry on my theory of blogging. what is a blog? what is it for? does it serve a valid purpose? what is legitimate to write in a blog? should it really be public? what’s the difference between art and journal? what’s pretentious and self-absorbed about blogs? is it even worth the time to read other peoples’ blogs? whom do i write for? is a blog an enhancement of life or a hindrance to it?
being a philosopher, i need to validate what i am doing here, and i feel like i need to validate my answers to the above questions in response to criticisms i have heard from some. but that’s just an overview–sometime in the next few days i’ll sit down and actually think about the issue.
this quarter has continually surprised me. what a weird, blessed, amazing, mediocre, fulfilling, empty, crazy life i have. and the thing with lives is i don’t understand yours and you don’t understand mine. not yet anyway.
virtual disc on spin: big blue sky | bebo norman
