finish it!

i can’t put it off any longer…i have 4 hours to finish my problem set. it will probably take me at least that long to do part I. i guess part II is just going to go down the drain. oh well, hopefully it won’t affect things too much.

my habit with school work is to be a few hours ahead in my mind, when i have whatever i’m working on done. so i tend to daydream about how nice it is that i have an end in sight, and that whether i finish the assignment or not, it will be over and done with. this tends to make me a little more lax about actually trying and getting really good grades, because i’m just so excited about not having to think about it anymore.

i guess that’s bad.

virtual disc on spin: ghost of david | damien jurado

sex and logic

if xA* = xAT || xAF, show that x |= xA*

and that’s only the first part of the problem–logic is, if i may say so–hard as crap. and i worked on it for the last three hours, bringing the clock to 12:30. now i have a choice: do greek or not do greek. i have to be up at 8:30, and my greek would probably take me a good 1.5-2 hrs to do completely. i suppose i’ll just go to bed.

crusade was different tonight–we had some guest speakers come in to talk about ‘relationships’. what they really talked about was sex. at first i thought it might be like one of those talks you get at high school on why abstinence is the only 100% safe course, blah blah blah. i didn’t expect that they would talk about anything really that out of the ordinary, especially in the mixed setting of the large group meeting. but, they destroyed my expectations, that’s for sure. not only did they talk about sex (insisting, as i suspect myself, that it is great fun, and even greater fun in the correct context), they talked about masturbation, porn, and other things of the same nature usually left completely taboo. the shock value was pretty funny–people were melting down all over the room (“why are they talking about THIS??”). i think the best point they made, though, was in discussing the non-physical aspects of sex, i.e., the mental, emotional, and spiritual things that go along with the physical act. the biggest picture painted by society is that it is a purely physical act, and so it is only the phyical considerations (stds, whatever) that we have to be concerned about. but, if there are mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects to sex (and i am told convincingly that there are), then society is indeed misleading in its portrayal of what is really an altogether sacred thing, and in some ways completely different than what is in the images we are bombarded with. society sucks.

needless to say, i admired the audacity of the couple who spoke, being completely honest and open about themselves and the world as they see it. and i think that the world as they see it needs to be the way more of us (myself included) see it.

ahem, enough talk about sex. (can i talk about sex in a blog? who reads this? what if my mom is reading this?) don’t want to make the junior highers embarrassed.

of course, the meeting went longer than usual, because people had questions and whatnot (that’s what sex talks do). worship went well though, and alex and ann and i played beautiful, by mercyme. i sang. i wasn’t, but it was beautiful. unlike what usually happens, i was actually able to close my eyes, forget about my voice, forget about the guitar, forget about the people, and sing to god. that’s why i do music, my friends. it felt like a good sigh, and i could feel some of the frost that has been covering my heart and mind begin to evaporate a little. my exact thought-picture at this moment is that of Narnia when the witch’s spell of winter began to lose power. couple that with the image of Cronos in the Silver Chair, sleeping beneath the ground, and you have my state of mind/heart at the moment. with the thaw i feel that soon something will begin to awake, stirring restlessly (like the sleeping lords in Voyage of the Dawn Treader), regaining circulation. it seems just as if there is a switch in my mind simply waiting to be turned on, but i can’t myself reach it.

well, if i haven’t lost you with the Lewisian references there….

tomorrow will be a day of pain and suffering, as i’ll be spending lunchtime onward working until 5 on my logic problem set. i am not looking forward to that. hopefully it will all be out of my system by 8, when we’re heading out to dinner before screw your roommate. i can’t help but think what a rotten date i would be if, still in logic mode, i responded to “how do you like your pasta?” with “ExEy(isMe(y) && isPasta(x) && likes(y,x))”

right. well that’s officially the ‘i need sleep’ indicator flashing on my monitor, up to the right where you can’t quite see it, so au revoir.

virtual disc on spin: low level owl, i&ii | the appleseed cast

iDVD and epistemology

i now know everything there is to know about iDVD, the mac application used to burn dvds of your own videos. i spent the last few hours writing an instruction guide on getting a movie from your camera to a DVD, and it’s not that hard. the dvds themselves tend to suck, but hey, it’s a dvd. hardly anyone really burns their own.

in any case, i didn’t miss class this morning. in fact, i woke up an hour and a half early to do my reading for it. aren’t i a conscientious student? class itself wasn’t bad–we did an overview of the epistemological theories we’ve surveyed so far, and as a class generated a lot of focused thesis topics. the only real grade for the course is the final paper, so we’re gearing up and starting to think of what we really care about writing 4,000 words on. i’m thinking of maybe doing something on the circularity in coherence theories, or maybe theories of justification. who knows.

i didn’t think it was going to for any reason, but it’s raining today. this is less than optimal, because my back bike tire has been flat (due to slashing) for about a month, leaving me with just my longboard. and when it’s raining, i can’t ride it or i’ll mess it up. so i have to walk everywhere, and that’s really slow. ah well.

nothing really interesting is going on, and i’m not having any real profound thoughts, so i’m gonna get back to doing some work. and dreading my logic problem set.

disc on spin: electric boogaloo | five iron frenzy

the way of the gun

dan and i just watched ‘the way of the gun’. it had benecio del toro and some old guy who plays the exact same character in lots of other movies. films do some weird things to me. first of all they consume my mind and my thoughts for at least a few hours after watching. especially if the film is one where there is thinking involved, or some epic conclusion. like, dumb and dumber leaves no impact, whereas movies like gladiator make me want to sit, ponder, and cry for a few hours.

i can’t decide what i think, though, about this particular film i just watched. i know that i didn’t like it, if wanting to see it again is a measurement of liking. it had that sort of tint to it that desperado, traffic, and some other films had. maybe it’s the connection to mexico, who knows. although memento sort of had this too. in any case, i think that style of filmmaking leaves me feeling a little empty inside. there is never triumph, there are always too many bodies on the ground, and usually there is some philosophical subtheme that the writer tries to bring out at the end that i completely disagree with.

all the same, these films rekindle my hatred of evil and killing. i’m usually left wondering if things like this really go on, and if so, how humanity got so screwed up and what can i do to fix it. in that sense, then, the result could be said to be positive. like–holocaust pictures shouldn’t be shown to children, but they should be shown, to strengthen people’s resolve against mass murder. i highly doubt these films are made with that in mind, but eventually my thoughts go down that path. anyways.

in recent news, i have a date for SYR this friday. dan got me one. and since he did, we made a deal and told each other who our dates are. i’m sorry for those of you who voted against this decision–in getting me a date dan acquired some leverage. so, dan and i are going with two wonderful ladies, melanie and shannon (respectively). i guess we’ll see how it turns out! i know it will be fun.

in more recent news, it is 2 am again, so i need some sleep. out.

no sound waves are in the air.

proceed nae further

one pleasant schedule-altering anomaly: i played tennis this afternoon. and, when i say pleasant, i don’t really mean pleasant so much as not that pleasant. sure it was fun, but i sucked. even by my standards (which as most can tell you are pretty low). and, as most can also tell you, i am one of the sorest losers you’ll ever meet. mostly with card games, but it has extended gradually to cover most forms of competition. it’s never bad if i know from the outset i’m going to get whooped (rather, know from the outset that i deserve to get whooped due to the skill level of my opponent). but if i feel like i could be doing better, then i get pretty pissed. in cards it’s even worse because in most games there’s an element of chance and without fail i will be dealt the worse cards possible. you might think i am exaggerating, but that is because your coherence theory of knowledge in this instance has been unable to cope with my anomaly.

in any case the thing i like most about tennis is running fast and getting a decent workout, neither of which happened today (it was a very slow-paced game). which is fine, but since my speed is about my only natural ability in the sport, my teeth were pulled. so maybe i was able to work on the rest of my game–mmm….not really. or maybe i’m just whining. i can deal with that. it’s my blog after all, and it’s you’re fault that you are reading. you’re probably procrastinating, too, which makes things worse. i would say shame on you, if i weren’t procrastinating right now.

in all seriousness, if you are a newcomer to the blog you may want to consider cautiously whether or not you really want to make it a habit of reading this. you’ll probably realize sooner or later that i am really a pretty big jerk, lazy, a little egotistical, not all that funny; you’ll probably realize to your horror that i am not the perfectly crafted paragon of human virtue and beauty you thought i was. so, as they say, ignorance is bliss–if ye are of that faint-hearted ilk, i beseech ye, proceed nae further lest thy lives be ruined by mine.

a little overdramatic, but that’s just to scare away the under-18 crowd.

i had a really long dinner. most of it was spent in a daze. you see, i was too lazy to focus my eyes. like–there was just nothing that i really cared looking at enough to warrant me using energy to focus my eyes. so it was funny when i was talking to anybody, because with my eyes focused at infinity, their eyes seemed to meld together into one, reminding me of cyclops.

in other news: remember when i gave you the list of groceries last night? well, you’ll notice that i listed peanut butter and jelly. but like solid bachelors dan and i forgot bread. so, if any of you twain dwellers would be so kind as to steal me a loaf of that white buttermilk bread from stern dining, it would be much appreciated!

yeah, they didn’t invite me to play at sophomore night at the coho this quarter. i just found out today they are having sophomore night this wednesday, and they invited my friends back to play, but not me. that made me a little sad, because i thought people liked it the last time i played. oh well. it’s probably for the best, because i would have had to say no anyways (going to london). but it still hurt that they didn’t ask. ok, enough pity party. i don’t write music for other people anyway. at least not people who don’t like it. (this i find is a good rule of thumb–don’t do things for people that don’t like those things)

still no word on my date for friday. i think dan’s working on it. i guess i don’t really care if i get one or not, except everyone else has one so i wouldn’t want to go out to dinner with them. it’d be weird. it might be fun, though, if i get a date, whether it’s a friend of mine (so that i can hang out with her–because i haven’t hung out with anyone in a long time), or not (i haven’t met anyone new in a long time too). so i guess my ambivalence is nice, because i’m fine either way.

i spent most of work today trying to figure out how to burn a DVD. it’s pretty cool. but because of that i wasn’t able to sneak in any homework, and so i’ve gotten absolutely nothing done today. and so i have two readings for knowledge tomorow which i have to read and write about. sucky. guess i should do them. i don’t really have any excuses–i’ve got the whole night in front of me. …must…pry…self…from…keyboard……

oh and keep the comments coming. they make me happy. think of each comment as one scooby snack for the blog. (don’t personify the blog, jonathan. ok jonathan)

virtual disc on spin: good dog bad dog | over the rhine (format for this will always be “album | artist”, unless otherwise noted. and, ‘virtual disc’ just means i’ve taken my cd and ripped it to my computer, and that’s how i’m listening to it. in case you were wondering. i make the distinction so you know exactly what sound quality i’m exposed to at the moment. i rip 128kbps .wma files)

blogs with minds are taking over

the day was long, so the night will be short. short nights are no fun, but a necessary evil if you want to make the days as fun as possible. this inverse relation has always bothered me.

an out of the ordinary occurrence: i went out to dinner tonight. some people cooked for me and some friends. the food was good, and it was good times. at the very least it was nice to get away from the lemon chicken.

i climbed fairly strong at the wall tonight. the place was pretty empty, which was nice, but those who were there were some of the wall’s elite…so i felt a little intimidated. but, i threw down on the 5 i’ve been working on for a while–cleaned it up professionally. the rest of the night i spent toying with a 6, which, when i get it, will be my first 6. but i can tell that i’ll have to get a little more strength before i can pull some of the moves on the route. or maybe i was just weak from not climbing for…4 days or so.

second out of the ordinary occurrence of the night: dan and i made a midnight run to safeway. safeway’s a very odd place at night–it’s basically just you and the night employees, and they all have the big carts of cardboard boxes in the aisles, cereal boxes strewn over the floor, inventoring or whatever else they are doing. all the same i tend to think of it as having a sort of festival air..mysterious, though–only open to initiates…those who shop at ungodly hours. at any rate quite a haul was had…chex mix, peanut butter, jelly, instant flavored oatmeal, eggos, sunkist, dried apples, to name a few of the goods. as a side note, i would like to mention that as i strolled down the bottled drink section, my heart was wrenched once more as the painful reality of wilbur dining’s evil overpricing came crashing down on me. but i didn’t let it stop me. no sir.

there were a few things, however, that i was not too happy with today. one was my obsessive reloading of my own blog page. even though in my mind i knew that it wouldn’t change unless i posted something new to it, i clung to the hope that my blog somehow transcended that necessity. it is very odd how a simple collection of words can seem suddenly to take life and become an organism. but then again, a blog can have at most derived intentionality–not even being a simple turing machine, no one, whatever their philosophical leanings, would say that blogs have minds. yet it is hard to escape the hope that your words will somehow become better than they are solely in virtue of the fact that here they are, for the world (a small subset of it, anyway) to read. this is the closest things to my thoughts being interactive that i have experienced, and so the errors are easily fallen into–that of mistaking the blog for more than a tool (i.e. making it an end simpliciter), for example. let us all pray that wisdom will prevail in this too.

the other few things were simply that i didn’t get a whole lot of work done. it’s kind of like, after doing 39 mindless yet difficult verb/participle complete identifications, i don’t feel like going the other direction on 20 more problems. so that was the death of my greek work. the irony is that in the time it’s taken me to write this much, i could have been halfway done with the remainder of the work. the irony in the last sentence is that even if i weren’t writing this blog i wouldn’t be doing greek.

i’ve been thinking about love a little more recently. i’ll let you know when i’ve figured it out. (this may not be for a billion years) most people say they can’t understand romantic love. me neither. however, for all i think i know, i’m pretty sure that i understand god’s love even less. and this is not a hopeful thought. let’s change a billion to a trillion.

in recent news, it’s bedtime. far past, actually. it would have been nice to get more than 6 hours of sleep. alas, “duty is heavier than a mountain, [sleep] lighter than a feather”. if you know the real version of that quote you are cool, in a nerd sort of way.

for the interactive part of the blog, does anybody care about my word of the day? not that i care–i do it so that i have an excuse to learn my vocabulary. does anybody even have a clue what it is?

i’ll steal a one-liner from jason–i’ve ‘said far too much’. good night.

virtual disc on spin: sink or swim, waterdeep

dan got a date!

aha, i found out who our mysterious visitor was. well, sort of. i resolved the ip to a block of addresses in oviedo, fl. hmm–that’s where i’m from. so it could be any member of my family, since they all connect through the same dsl ip. so, thanks…dav/rach/mom/dad.

oh yeah, let’s have a vote–who thinks that i should tell dan who i got to go to the dance with him, and who thinks i should keep it a surprise? click on comments down at the bottom of this post to leave your vote.

virtual disc on spin: clarity, jimmy eat world

love sucks

yes–i got dan a date. a date for the dance on friday. the screw your roommate dance. for those of you who don’t go to stanford, that means that roommates get dates for each other (i.e. they SCREW them. har har). but, i didn’t screw dan, really–i got him a very nice date, and i think they will have much fun.

now i’m just a little hesitant about who dan might be asking for me. i’m sure i will have fun whoever it is, but i’d still rather have emily in the same state as me, to go to dances with and stuff.

in other news, the sexual health peer resource center is hosting a valentine’s day event entitled ‘love sucks’. i find this very in line with everything else i know about the SHPRC. because, for real, what does love have to do with sex? [sarcasm should be evident here. it’s the biting, accusatory kind]

we’ve had some small room modifications here in soto 101. first, i moved my desk lamp up on top of my wardrobe, so that i can use it to read books with before i go to bed at night. i find this a very profound change, because it will alter my daily schedule significantly. now, either i must plan around reading in my bed, or i will get less sleep. so who knows how that will turn out, but i hope for the best. secondly, we’ve acquired a very nice piece of installation art and put it on the floor by the refridgerator. and if you weren’t an art buff like me, you might actually think it’s a tray, plate, glass, and fork from wilbur dining, replete with week-old lemon chicken and rice. but that’s only if you’re stupid.

the trash needs to go out. the trash always needs to go out. i guess that’s what happens when they give you freakin small trash cans.

oh yeah, i’d like to give a shout out to all those who have viewed my blog recently. thanks for reading! you know who you are: (in order of most recent visit) me, tina, bryan, emily, [someone using sprint], chris n, eric, and alex. you guys rock. and if you are our mysterious sprint telephone line user and care to identify yourself, no harm will come to you, i promise.

virtual disc on spin: so impossible, dashboard confessional